I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
