Apparently you make a good broom.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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