I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize