so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
