took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i would punch a child for taco bell
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
