he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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