you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
