mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
