a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
