how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
