They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
