It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
