her vagine was all disorganized.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
