party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
