y did u give ur computer a hand job?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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