I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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