I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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