Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
