remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
