So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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