the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
