I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I need a beard to bite.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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