You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
