yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
