4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My vagina is officially offended.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
