I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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