Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
