she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
