He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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