I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
