On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
