You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
