You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
