The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
