The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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