my soul wont recognize me after tonight
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
