in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
my poor anus
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We're too hungover to prance.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
