I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
