I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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