She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
