u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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