We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
