I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
