dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
