and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
