I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
