you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
