He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
