got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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