somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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