So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
