Already got asked if we're dating
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
