carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
