why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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