Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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