Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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