Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
